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Maintain Sobriety With A Daily Tenth Step

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Friday, 15 February 2013. Posted in Ten Step

February 15, 2013

Because you are reading this column I will assume that you have had at least one circumstance in your life when you could not quite figure out how to fit into a certain place, or among a certain group of people, or even successfully cohabit with another, not to mention couple with another.

For instance, take Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA"). Perhaps there is a particular AA meeting that you attend or attended. For some reason you are or were drawn to this particular AA meeting due to the people, a guy, a girl, quality of the speakers or even convenience, i.e., proximity.

With that said, no matter how often you went or currently go you just can not make valid connections with people even though you have tried everything from obtaining a comittment at the meeting, i.e., greeting and so forth to arriving super early so that you are sure to meet people.

Meanwhile, you are feeling alone, left out, disliked, ugly, and so forth. Suddenly, you are sulking, feeling sorry for yourself and in a bad mood.

What could possibly be your part?

Well, I would say that it lies in your resistance. In the face of all the obvious resistance, i.e, you are not feeling comfortable, people are not talking to you, you are trying so hard to fit in, desperate to fit in, yet it is just not working. Does it feel familiar to childhood times when you did not quite fit in but kept trying…..?!

And NO. I am NOT saying the solution is to stop coming to AA!

Actually, the solution is to try another meeting, and keep trying until you find the right meeting(s), or until you find your tribe as they say in AA. Go to where the love is! You are bound to find it. DO NOT try to fit in where you don't; DO NOT dim your light for anyone!! MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT take anyone's behavior personal! Although it may not always feel that way, the bad behavior of another is generally not about you. It is about them!

This applies to everything in life. Get quiet, search for where you are resisting, and either determine to give it all you got and make it work, or move on to where your skills, traits, love and so forth fit more appropriately.

Perhaps you have been expending so much energy trying to salvage a relationship that just no longer fits for you anymore; again, STOP the resistance.

Yes, you are scared of change (who is not, at first at least) or fearful that the next guy or girl will not come along; trust me there is someone perfect for you out there.

Put another way, how much of yourself are you comprising by staying because of fear of moving on. None of us are getting younger so consider the time you are wasting too!

God, help us to be courageous enough to make the decisions that need to be made; to put ourselves first. Help us to set aside our fear so that clarity and your guidance, not to mention love can rush in. Amen!

"Always do what you can, with what you've got, from where you are."

Give thanks for change, challenges, and obstacles! Trust me, with the help of your higher power, you can handle anything!

I Love You All, for the most part :)

Weigh in on this tenth step and lets us know what you think.

Also, if you like to see a particular scenario discussed, let us know.

Let's take 100% responsibility for our emotions.

If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text us. We would like to help you.

About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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