January 09, 2013
Yesterday I was talking with a fellow member of Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA") when he shared with me, in a general way, about a situation that occurred at his workplace. When all was said and done he realized that the problem was not as much the other person as he previously thought but rather his own alcoholism and addiction.
So, as sort of a preamble to the narrative, whenever you are nearly certain it is completely the other person, take a moment, pause and consider your own alcoholism.
With that said, my AA friend had a situation at work in which he needed to interface with another department-head. He did not particularly get along with the other department head. In fact, they had a particularly lengthy history of disagreements, personality clashes and sort of bad blood among them.
However, it was necessary for them to frequently work together and correspond. They both have assistants and large staff so it was often easier for them to communicate with their staff, until their most recent project.
In fact, their most recent project required that they meet face to face, and actually talk to one another. Due to prior disagreements, my AA friend presumed that the other guy was still a "trouble-maker" and only wanted to "war" and "fight", so as not to "butt heads" he kept putting the interaction off….delaying it, indefinitely.
Well the day came, on Monday, when they absolutely had to meet! To his surprise, the other department head was actually professional, if not even pleasant, and diplomatic, and respectful. Apparently the other department-head changed for the better, notwithstanding his character defects.
My friend's part was that he was so self-righteous, so as to not give the other department-head the benefit of the doubt. In his mind, people never change…."personalities are etched in stone…..you can't teach an old dog new tricks."
As it turns out, judgment, self-righteousness, lack of forgiving and forgetting are all traits of his alcoholism. The good news is that he does have a Higher Power that is bigger than all those character traits and he can ask him to remove them, and correct his perception.
Let's take 100% accountability for our thoughts, emotions, actions and deeds.
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