January 04, 2013
I have a friend who can be controlling at times, insensitive, dishonest, and very selfish. I am not taking his inventory, so stay with me…..this is part of the point of view I am attempting to illustrate.
Ironically, he is not an alcoholic or addict, or at least he says that he is not an alcoholic or addict.
Interestingly enough he enjoyed attending the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and events that he attended with me.
Meanwhile, he has even had the audacity to tell me that I am not an alcoholic because, in his eyes and accurately so, I am too high functioning and too educated.
As we alcoholics and addicts know, alcoholism does not discriminate according to education, class, race, wealth and so forth. It is an equal opportunity disease.
With that said, after realizing that I walk away from him feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, I declined to continue the friendship.
Reaching that point of no return, I stopped answering his phone-calls, returning his messages, and declined his requests to spend time together. To make a long story short, I felt spending time with him was no longer a worthwhile use of my time.
My part, perhaps I was equally insensitive, had to high of expectations of him and judged him.
To be honest, since giving up coffee, quitting sugar, setting boundaries, and doing a daily tenth step, I realize now how much I played a part in my resentments.
For instance, I assumed he was insensitive of my feelings for saying certain things or doing certain things that really had nothing to do with me. I took his actions and words personally. He was merely being himself, irrespective of me.
As well, I assumed he was selfish because he actually had boundaries, said what he liked irrespective of pleasing others, and did only what he wanted to do, yet he was intent on persuading others to do what he wanted.
On the other hand, until now I did not really realize that “I am enough just as I am”. Consequently, I am entitled to change my mind, decline an offer to hang out, to date, and so forth particularly if I am tired or need some time alone. The more that I felt like I had to please everyone, I acquiesced to everything and hence was resentful, angry and extremely judgmental.
Even more, I was too insecure and timid to even feel that I have equal right to seek the best and negotiate or at least persuade others to do what I want as well. I am not a victim.
God, divorce me from being insecure, judgmental, a people pleaser, and intolerant. Aid me in loving myself just as I am right now, flaws and all, so that I may be more sincere, be myself, establish boundaries and be more patient with others.
Help me to take 100% accountability for my actions.
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