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Maintain Sobriety With A Daily Tenth Step

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Wednesday, 02 January 2013. Posted in Ten Step

January 02, 2013

Last week I encountered a situation at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous that, to say the least, left me frustrated and resentful. Although I thought I was over it, what followed yesterday informed me otherwise.

To make a long story short, a week ago yesterday I was approached by another fellow alcoholic. As it turns out, this person happens to suffer from another addiction which I think was part of his motive for approaching me in the first place.

In any regard, he asked to speak to me in private. As the diplomatic and polite person I happen to be, I agreed. What happened next would serve as the focus of my resentment.

This addict, who shall remain nameless, informed me, or shall I say, prefaced the conversation with informing me that he was a sex addict.

In fact, based on a rumor that he said he heard from someone else, he assumed that I was a sex addict and insisted that I come to a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting with him. I was aghast!!!

No offense to the sex addicts out there, but I was offended and angered at the presumptuousness of his suggestion. As I informed him, I am certainly not a sex addict, as anyone who has spent time with me knows that sex is the furthest thing from my mind.

Moreover, I have never had an intimate relationship with anyone in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

When he realized how upset I was, he attempted to apologize. However, I was not interested. Even more, I was confused at how he could reach such a conclusion.

Yesterday I saw him at a meeting. He walked over to me, spoke, and attempted to shake my hand. I informed him that I was neither interested in speaking to him nor shaking his hand.

Determining my part in this resentment was tricky. Personally, I do not believe rumors, and I certainly do not participate in spreading them.

I suppose I expected that other people think and behave the same way.

As well, I am a very provincial, Victorian, and have even been described as frigid. Even though people who know me well are aware of these characteristics, I expected, or assumed that he should know better as well…….that he could somehow read my mind.

Last, I have a habit of not holding grudges and “not forgetting anything” so to speak, often, even when a person apologizes, i.e., I am very self-righteous.

In this case, I was very self-righteous. He apologized, and yet I felt contempt for him. I wanted him to feel shame and self-recrimination for “what he did to me”. That is not my job. I have no right to judge him.

God, divorce me from having expectations of others. Divorce me from anger and self-righteousness. Aid me in forgiving, forgetting, and moving on. Fill me with compassion, love, tolerance and patience.

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Remember, life is difficult enough without adding active addiction, so live it clean and sober.

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About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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