December 18, 2012
Recently, a friend and fellow from the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (“AA”) gave a call to me. Let’s call him Morgan.
Beyond identifying as a recovering addict/alcoholic, with about the same amount of sobriety time that I have, Morgan is a university student who lives with his parents.
To make a long story short, Morgan called me to complain about the way that his parents were treating him; they treat him like a child, despite the fact that he is twenty-four years old.
Morgan does not understand why he should have a curfew, nor does he understand why he has to explain where he is going when he leaves home.
The structure and rules that his parents enforce make him feel frustrated, angry, and captive.
I explained to him that he played a part in how he is feeling, particularly with respect to his former improvidence. Although I did not admonish him, I gently explained to him that he lost a lot of his parents trust when he developed his drug and alcohol habit.
First of all, had he not developed a drug and alcohol habit, more than likely he would have the means, particularly a job that would pay him enough to live on his own and come and go as he pleases.
The fact of the matter is that he is dependent on his parents for shelter, not to mention school fees, even transportation. Actually, his parents drive him to and from school, work, AA meetings and even social outings.
Until he can make better decisions, particularly while he is under their roof, I think the rules provide him with a good amount of structure.
Despite the fact that Morgan has been sober for nearly four years, he has been slow to take action that would provide him with the independent he desires.
Besides, all the rules and structure are appropriate motivation for him to focus himself enough to obtain what is necessary for him to move out on his own.
It’s all a matter of a perception shift.
God divorce us from distorted thinking. Relieve us from anger and frustration in any given situation so that we may see clearly. Shift our perception enough to recognize that we have everything that we need at any particular moment.
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