November 2, 2012
1. I did a favor for a friend recently. He really needed something done that would otherwise cause a huge inconvenience to him. I was in a position to remedy his situation by doing what he needed. Needless to say, he was still in a bad mood despite the fact that this huge problem was behind him. I was so frustrated, annoyed and even felt used or taken for granted. Did he appreciate me? Did he behave the way I expected? Did I resent him?
- a. My part in all this was that I was not only self-seeking for his appreciation and acknowledgment no less, I had expectations of his gratitude for my favor to him, not to mention his appreciation for the effort I made on his behalf. When he did not behave the way that I expected, I became resentful. I expected him to be overjoyed and happy, not in a bad mood.
b. God please divorce me from resentment, expectation, self-seeking and ego.
2. My mother is not particularly affectionate and she is withdrawn, and often her love is conditional. All my life I have resented her for being this way. Recently, she texted me to inquiry as to how I was doing, as I had been on her mind she wrote. Initially, I was going to ignore her text and not respond.
- a. My part was that I had an expectation of her. I thought that if she really cared she would have picked up the phone and called me, not texted me. She was not fulfilling my expectation of what a mother would do if she were concerned about her child. My fear is that she does not really love me if she does not do things the way I expect them to be done. What I realized in that moment is that she is doing the best she can, the best she knows how to be a mother. In fact, her mother was not maternal with her.
b. God help me to be more compassionate and empathetic. Divorce me from expectation, fear and resentment.
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