December 13, 2012
Have any of you ever experienced the situation in which you are talking to someone, but the conversation somehow seems one-sided, with the other person doing all the talking?
Recently, I sat down with a friend who has been dealing with this very same situation, concerning a guy she is dating.
The guy is attractive (I have met him and he is), educated, successful and thoughtful for the most part, but he monopolizes most all conversations. He never allows her to get a word in edgewise.
In particular, what really has been impacting her is how he often will ask her a question, but will chime in to say something else before she even states one full sentence.
She likes him otherwise but this has really been intruding on her serenity, not to mention her tolerance and patience.
Perhaps her part is that she is not looking at the totality of the circumstances!
In fact, suppose she keeps in mind all the other wonderful qualities that he has, i.e., he is attractive, successful, educated, ambitious, kind, thoughtful and otherwise conscience.
It seems as if she expects perfection from him. No one is perfect, not even her I explained.
Even more, they have just begun to date. As they say, “Rome was not built in a day.”
With that said, I explained to her that perhaps she might give him time to recognize it himself. She should not terminate what they have so soon.
Also, the way I look at it is that if he is interrupting her that much, perhaps he is not really looking for an answer or reply.
In fact, subconsciously maybe he just needs to talk, get words out into the atmosphere, with someone listening patiently.
In the meantime, should she prefer to respond, and he interrupts, just take a moment to pause, and really pay attention, and listen. The “writing is always on the wall”.
What also helps is looking at his questions as rhetorical…..those are just for emphasis, and don’t require an answer.
If that does not help, think about this I said, “Do you want to be right and alone, or do you want to be happy?”
God, divorce us from impatience and intolerance. Help us to be good listeners and to be more perceptive. God, don’t let us ruin what could otherwise be lovely, suitable and healthy relationships just because of little neurosis.
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