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Maintain Sobriety With A Daily Tenth Step

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Tuesday, 11 December 2012. Posted in Ten Step

December 10, 2012

It’s incredible how the passage of time reverses distortions of perception whether we are willing or not.

Things we could not quite understand at a particular time become very apparent after some time has passed.

With that said, I thought of my ex-boyfriend this morning. He was the love of my life.

Truthfully, our relationship was my first experience of a partnership with another person. He was everything that I prayed for in a mate and “more”, but that did not stop me from pointing out everything that he was not and everything he ever did wrong.

It has been nearly one year and a half since I broke up with him. With each passing day since the break-up my part becomes more blaringly obvious.

Sure, he was incredibly temperamental, arrogant, stubborn, argumentative, a heavy drinker, boisterous, neurotic, melancholy at times, unpredictable, glutonous, insatiable, selfish, too affectionate, irresponsible, childish, always late and incredibly needy, particularly for a man who was nearly two decades older than me.

Nevertheless, our relationship was filled with such passion.

If you can imagine it, we similar to couple in the song, “Love The Way You Lie”, by Eminem and Rihanna. I was Megan Fox and he was Dominic Monaghan. If you are lost on the reference, think of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, with me as Taylor.

To make a long story short, rather than appreciate what I had, particularly the fact that God had finally answered my prayers, I was the typical addict who complained of everything.

In fact, I took every opportunity to make sure he knew not only how smart I was, but how much more smart I was than him…….no wonder he had drank so much. Also, I made sure he knew when he fell short of other successful men that I knew.

It is humbling to admit, but my part was that I was so judgmental, so impatient, so egotistical, so immature……self-righteous, incredibly entitled, precocious, stoic, Victorian, provincial, prudish, melodramatic and to be honest, more often than not, a bigger prima donna than most celebrities. Nevertheless, I loved him, even though I did not always show it.

Not only have I never had a problem knowing my worth, but I had a tendency to make sure everyone knew it as well.

In retrospect, I realize how much I not only fueled the fire, but started it.

As I look back, I recognize now that if he was not man enough for me I could have walked away a long time before I did. I could have spared both of us so much pain.

But, I stayed, and to make matters worse, I pointed out everything he did wrong and everything he was not. If that is not addictive behavior, I am not sure what is. What is even more puzzling is that I was two years sober at the time.

Today, rather than reacting right away, no matter how intense my emotion is, I pause and later reassess the situation. After time has passed I realize that I perceived something incorrect and certainly played a part as well.

Please weigh in on this tenth step and let us know what you think.

We at RECOVERYNOW TV and NEWS do encourage constructive dialogue.

As well, please inform us of any particular topic you would like to see discussed.

Remember, life is difficult enough without adding active addiction, so live it clean and sober.

If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction and alcoholism, please call us. We want to help you.

About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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