December 05, 2012
Recently I came face to face with some feelings regarding the manner in which another addict has treated me, or shall I say, how I allowed this fellow addict to treat me.
That is what sobriety offers…..clarity.
To make a long story short, I finally see why I have experienced so much unnecessary pain………. I had no boundaries, and when I did, I did not enforce them for fear of confrontation.
My part was that I expended so much effort to please this particular person, and people in general for that matter. I gave so much effort to impress upon people that I was good, worthwhile, intelligent, capable, and so forth.
What I realize now is no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do, I cannot change another person’s view of me.
Every person will not see me for who I am or who I want them to see me. I finally realize that that is ok.
Regarding the person I mentioned above, I do not have any regrets, nor do I hold any ill-will or lack of forgiveness toward this person.
At the end of the day, I learned valuable lessons, (1) my worth is not contingent upon another person’s opinion of me, and perhaps most important, (2) to be myself, and never over-extend myself for another person, falsely believing it will win that person over, or that I might obtain that person’s respect, love……and so forth. I am good enough just as I am.
Last, the reason that I lacked boundaries is not as important as the fact that I now recognize that I lacked boundaries, and I am now in a position to set and maintain boundaries.
Going forward, I determine how I will be treated by others.
Setting boundaries does not mean that everyone will respect them.
With that said, a lot of people will, and perhaps it will inspire them to set some for themselves.
In the least, it will mitigate the number of resentments you rack up and it will surely isolate any confusion regarding how you intend to be treated or what you will tolerate for that matter.
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