November 20, 2012
1. I was at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous yesterday. I went because I really needed a meeting, as I was in my head, thinking about everything that needs to be done, everything that I have to do before the year is over.
I intended to walk into that room of Alcoholics Anonymous and find “experience, strength and hope” that The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous references.
However, I walked away with just the opposite.
Yes, during that one hour, I developed a hand full of resentments……resentments based on many of the words that came out of the speaker’s mouth, not to mention the words of some of the individuals that shared.
I tried to breathe through it all, and even dissociate, but none of it worked. I actually considered getting up and walking out.
The fact of the matter is that none of it really had to do with them. Yes, they were all obnoxious, but I, like the typical Alcoholic and Addict, am sensitive, easily offended, moody and temperamental, particularly when there are not prescription pills or alcohol in my body.
My part was that not only am I extremely sensitive, I was particularly tired, perhaps hungry, restless and just plain old moody. I was. And although I am actively working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I take two steps forward and one step back sometimes.
At least I did not react to the words and say something, as I would have if I was actively consuming prescription pills and alcohol.
In particular, I think my impatience and intolerance with the lack of diplomacy, not to mention lack of tact of the speaker and sharers is my part.
Getting used to co-existing in a world, particularly with other Addicts and Alcoholics, is challenging at best, especially without the aid of prescription pills and alcohol to take the edge off.
Prayer, reading The Big Book, going to another meeting and talking to another Alcoholic helps.
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Remember, life is difficult enough without dealing with active addiction!
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