November 15, 2012
1. I have a friend who I absolutely adore, for the most part. Beside the fact that she is a dedicated member of Narcotics Anonymous, she is kind, intelligent and wise beyond her years.
And, despite being an Addict/Alcoholic she has a wonderful personality.
More often than not I look forward to seeing her and I love to spend time with her, as we have a lot in common, particularly with regard to addiction. Both of us consider ourselves grateful recovering alcoholics/addicts.
With that said, issues come up when she becomes controlling, or when she exercises her will over me.
I am a person who does not like to be controlled, while she is a person that likes to control everything. To keep the peace I often just acquiesce at my expense.
Also, many times she will invite me to do things and then bail prematurely.
It makes me feel frustrated, even sad, when I make time for her and then she leaves early. It feels like she does not appreciate my time, nor appreciate my effort to maintain our friendship.
My part is that I am too fearful. Rather than be courageous enough to diplomatically stand up for myself, I acquiesce.
Consequently, I feel controlled and I harbor silent resentments.
Furthermore, because I fear appearing like the jerk, or otherwise fear losing the friendship, and because I people-please so much, I hold in how I really feel rather than be honest, further causing resentment to fester and build.
God, divorce me from fear. Aid me with the power to stand up for myself and set appropriate boundaries.
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