January 15, 2013
Yesterday I spoke with a fellow alcoholic and friend that I had not spoken to in a while.
Actually, he is in a rigorous graduate program that occupies much of his time. Aside from that, he and his wife are dealing with the grief of a miscarriage. Through all this he has managed to stay clean and sober.
In any regard, he sent me an e-mail informing me that he missed me and looks forward to seeing me. What I did next would lead me to a revelation about myself.
In my head, I imagined a scenario of him…..melancholy, depressed and in need of a friend, a friend like me. Based on my perceived tone of his e-mail I assumed that he was in some pitiful state, waiting by the phone for my call.
So, I called him expecting this sad voice at the other end. I even carved out some time to have dinner with him, as I assumed that he needed my wisdom and advice.
The fact of the matter is that he was just fine, even in good spirits. He sent me an e-mail to check in and simply maintain our friendship. There was no dire situation even though my alcoholism would have me believe there was.
My part is that I was so selfish, egotistical and self-absorbed that I assumed that he contacted me because he needed something. Likewise, when I really think about it, perhaps I only contact others when I am lonely, need something, sad or facing some dire situation. What a full circle realization!
Even further, I have always taken the stand that I must swoop in and rescue, make the other person feel better and then when the person leans on me too much I become irritated even though I was the one who set the initial tone of the relationship, indicating that I was the stronger one who could handle anything.
Lord, help me to mind my own business, make less assumptions, "leave my ego at the door" and to stop attempting to take on the responsibilities of others. Help me to understand that other people will survive without me and that I am not the "second-coming".
Help me to just be and for that matter invest in myself where I might otherwise overly invest in others, in an effort to avoid myself. I love myself just the way that I am.
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