February 01, 2013
After a super busy day yesterday, I stopped at cafe for a beverage. As I was leaving the cafe, particularly as I got half way up the street I saw someone from my recent past, not just an acquaintance as he said.
In any regard, for one reason or another I stopped returning his calls, messages and e-mails. Perhaps I thought that we no longer had anything in common and I no longer wanted to be a friend of his anymore, or perhaps I realized that our values were different and our characters were no longer aligned; perhaps our characters were never aligned.
To make a long story short, as I was walking with my headphones on, i.e., I don't want to talk, out of no where he appeared.
He looked at me quizzically and spoke, somewhat shocked, as I did not take the moment to truly absorb it, I returned a hello and immediately kept going. Trust me, that is improvement for me as I have been known to keep going without so much as a hello or blink of the eye.
Well, when I was about 3 yards up the street he came after me to speak further, questioning me, "are you mad at me?"…."what's the problem, you have not returned any of my calls, messages….?"
I responded, "No, I spoke to you didn't I? I just have changed, that's all; I have a lot going on."
We went back and forth, with me never pointing out blame, never explaining that my not returning his calls, messages, etc had anything to do with him, as I do not believe in focusing on the bad, nor do I believe in saying anything that is not constructive. I much rather not say anything at all than to hurt someone. He did say, "It's confusing for someone to walk out of your life without even an explanation."
Meanwhile, I was thinking he is persistent. He even said that there was no mistake that are paths crossed this way….that he believes in the universe.
I believe in the universe as well, but I also mentioned that perhaps it is just about the fact that we both live in the same city and are bound to bump into one another.
To be honest, if I saw someone who had stopped returning my phone calls or messages I would inconspicuously cross to the other side of the road, or I would do everything that I could to avoid them, not out of anger, but out of respecting his or her choice, or perhaps to avoid an unnecessary, awkward interaction.
In any regard, he made it clear that he would like to hang out again and resume our friendship.
I am not sure how I will feel in the future, but I think that I must respect my feelings, intuition, and instincts now, maintain my boundaries, and continue in the direction that I am going sans a friendship with him. From experience, no one should be pressured into anything. All my life I had been pressured into this or that, not anymore. I take FULL responsibility for my life and my decisions.
That brings me to my part, as mentioned above, in that I must make a decision and stick with it, remain FIRM, even if I turn out to be wrong; I have a right to be wrong. Too many times in the past I allowed my boundaries to be crossed and my perspective to be obscured, not anymore.
God, help me to return to myself. Amen.
"I know how this happened. I return my mind to my point of error and I atone. I ask for forgiveness. Heal my perception. Release me from the effects of my wrong-minded thing." Marianne Williamson
I Love You All, for the most part :)
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