January 31, 2013
I was speaking with a friend of mine, and yes he is an alcoholic as well, about a situation he has been facing.
Preliminarily, I'd like to inform you that there are many recovering male alcoholics and addicts that are some of the most forthcoming, open, honest and sensitive men I have ever met, irrespective of sexual orientation. I am so grateful for the friendships that I have forged in Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA").
As it turns out, the situation involved me, unbeknownst to me. To preserve anonymity I will not mention his name, although I will say that we have been close friends since the very beginning of sobriety. We both went to rehab together in Tucson, AZ and both currently live in Los Angeles. In fact, I even have a very enviable, platonic relationship with his wife and I often sit for their 6 year old son.
With that said, he came to me to discuss our friendship. Actually, I was a little concerned that he was upset with me because our last couple of interactions have been unlike they generally are. With that said, I put it in the back of my mind, until he brought it up yesterday over dinner with his wife.
Actually, his wife brought it up and then he took it from there.
He that said he had been resentful of me because I have not had as much time for him as I usually had, and that he thought I was putting one of my other friendships ahead of our friendship, i.e., he was jealous, and he told me so. At that moment a tear weld up inside.
I knew we were close, but I never imagined that he valued our relationship as much as he did. Both of us sat there, with his wife, laughing and crying, alternately.
My part is that I have not traditionally been good at maintaining relationships. I have nearly been oblivious of other people's feelings as I never took the time to even consider my own. All my life I have been on the go, at light speed ahead, focused on the next thing in front of me.
At that moment I took the time to say a prayer to be more conscientious and to pay attention, not only to how I feel but to check in with those who are of value to me.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I Love You All, for the most part :)
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