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Maintain Daily Sobriety With A Daily Tenth Step

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Wednesday, 30 January 2013. Posted in Ten Step

January 30, 2013

Yesterday I was having a day that was just beyond, or at least I perceived it that way. Actually, to be honest, the day began particularly well I thought. When I left for a mid morning appointment I was in a particularly good mood, excitement and anticipation was abound.

However, for much of the majority of the remainder of the morning and afternoon I felt off, as if I nothing was quite right. I call these types of days my super-alcoholic days.

As it turned out, I did not have an appointment yesterday. I was too far ahead. In fact, my appointment is Thursday… week Thursday!

In any regard, since I was out, I decided that I would take the opportunity to work at a super cute cafe, as I did have my beloved MacBook Air with me. Sitting comfortably, I just could not focus so well. As a matter of fact, I saw at least a handful of fellow alcoholics, most of whom stopped by to say hello.

Not that I am anti-social, but I just was not in the mood to participate in small talk…..after all, I had things to do.

Finally, I was in the zone, getting work done, and a total stranger decided to sit next to me and strike up a conversation. I was just not very interested, particularly since he was not my type. I thought to myself, "my God, can't these people see that I am working, that I have things to do."

Suddenly, I realized my stomach was making strange noises, and I was feeling a little fatigued. I thought "OMG, stomach can't you tell that I have to get this work done?! I am on a schedule and I have no time for fluffy things like food. Besides, I had kale for breakfast about 6 hours earlier, and I was currently drinking a huge iced tea, with Equal, no less.

I must plow through I thought; Before I know it, I dropped a file of papers on the floor, and then as I got up to go to the restroom I nearly slipped and hit my perfectly proportioned head.

I prayed, God help me. Help me to overcome this uneasiness and subtle anxiety.

The idea came to go and get some lunch; after fighting the thought that I have no time, I went and had the most amazing salad, with miso soup at this quaint Japanese boutique restaurant. Half way through the salad I felt nearly 100% better, and by the end, I was smiling, refreshed and in an amazing mood.

My part consisted of the fact that I was not taking the moment to be in the moment and to take care of myself. I was maintaining my schedule at the expense of myself. Speaking to people, in most cases, matters, I love it, and not just when it is convenient or when I want something.

Also, eating regularly, and taking a five minute break or so, matters as well. The world does not stop simply because I have work to do and because the bar examination is less than a month a way. I am so used to working straight through, with no exception…..that is not normal. I remind myself, "slow and steady DeShawn….slow down Type A."

As well, alcoholism does not go away because I have a lot on my plate. In fact, to be honest, alcoholism potentially flares up more when I have a lot on my plate.

Thus, for me it is not appropriate to disregard going to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA"), simply because I perceive that I have no time. Yesterday I realized that I had not been to an AA meeting in two weeks…….unacceptable!!

I have to keep in my mind that my thinking is a bit off, somewhat askew due to all those prescription pills I once consumed.

With that said, I capped the workday off with an AA meeting.

To be honest, when I took the time to stop and eat, breath, speak, and even attended an evening AA meeting, when I did my end of the day accounting I realized that not only did I get all my work done, I completed more studying than I have done on days when I did nothing but study. As well, I was in bed before 10:30 pm and I slept so well. Talk about gratitude.

God, help me to stop and smell the proverbial roses, to breathe and practice self compassion, not to mention be a person among persons (within reason :)

"If all of the people in all of the world could turn their worries into laughter, then all of the people in all of the world would live happily ever after."

I Love You All, for the most part :)

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About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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