January 29, 2013
I have a dear friend who happens to be an alcoholic as well. She happens to be in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA") and based on what I have seen she works a really good program. Actually, I met her in the program.
With that said, she can be quite demanding, particularly controlling, yet very compassionate and capable of incredible kindness and generosity.
Generally, I am one who goes with the flow and am quite content with being a person among persons, i.e., no ego.
However, when I feel too constricted, especially when I have to limit my time and prioritize due to all that I have to do these days, I have to pull back a bit, out of self-preservation, even self-compassion.
To make a long story short, I am not available as much, not due to anyone else, simply because of the way my mind works.
Rightfully so, she expected things to be as they always have been, and for the most part they are….it is just that when it comes down to my goals and critical moments in my life, I have to walk the mile alone.
She took it the wrong way and thought I was withdrawing from her due to something she had done. She did nothing wrong and I was not withdrawing from her personally.
My part was that I did not communicate this to her. As I have always done, I just acted instinctually, without regard for the feelings of others, as I knew my intent was not to hurt anyone….only to more focus and prepare for what is ahead of me.
At the moment that I came to my conclusion I made a direct amends to my higher power. I prayed that God help me to maintain this clarity and that he help me to remain conscientious, not to mention considerate, keeping in mind the totality of the circumstances and all concerned.
And yet, I love myself just as I am, as I am willing to change.
"I have been waiting for this moment all my life…."
God Bless Us All.
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