January 28, 2013
Last week was a very productive, yet quite long week.
Between working full-time and studying for the bar exam, which happens to be less one month away, not to mention other commitments, including maintaining a consistent Alcoholics Anonymous ("AA") program and as well as social commitments, I just felt absolutely exhausted.
In fact, at the end of the work day on Friday, I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.
However, I realized that I had a prior planned social engagement at 7 pm. What was I to do?
My immediate thought was - integrity…. I heard the words of my mother in head, "Pull it together, you have company downstairs." Although, on this occasion there was no company downstairs, I had made a prior commitment that I had to attend to, "come hell or high water", or so I thought!
As it turned out, that type of thinking is limiting, not to mention inconsistent with the totality of the circumstances, not to mention reality, which in my case turned out to be I was in no condition to attend a social gala.
The fact of the matter is that I had a legitimate reason to cancel. My first duty is to take care of myself, so that I can adequately give to others and provide them with quality in the long run.
So, that is just what I did. I made a few calls and I was able to take care of everything…..as we say in AA, "I intuitively knew how to handle things which used to baffle me."
Prior, my part was that I was always trying to be all things to all different people. Consistently, I overextended myself and gave and gave of myself. All my life I was taught to extend myself, even at the expense of myself. It was all about appearances and pretenses.
As I develop a relationship with my higher power I realize that such behavior is no longer necessary.
God help me to look within and determine what is right for me, and for all concerned. Guide me to make decisions not based on fear or other people's prospective reactions, but based on what I know to be right and appropriate. Peace be still.
"Feel the fear and do it anyway."
God Bless us all.
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