January 24, 2013
As an alcoholic living in the world, I am constantly faced with circumstances, interactions and events that constantly challenge me to (1) more accurately see a situation for what it really is or (2) act in the same manner that I have always acted in, which from experience seems to get me nowhere.
First and foremost, alcoholic, or not, I have to live in the skin that I am in. Consequently, I have to make decisions that make me feel comfortable about living in this skin.
With that said, often I want to sleep away an emotion, or eat to soothe myself, or I want to react to a person who has harmed me or offended me in someway, as I can not take prescription pills anymore. I am learning not to, no matter how much I want to, as I am tired of being stuck in the same old emotional patterns and circumstances that caused me to use prescription pills in the first place.
I am taking back the reigns of my emotions, and working in partnership with my higher power to maintain the barometer of my life.
What I mean is that, yes, I was faced with challenges such as work, studying for the bar exam, less than pleasant interactions with others, program commitments, social commitments and so forth.
However, it was the way in which I was viewing my challenges, and my life that made me feel the way in which I was feeling.
My part, you see is that instead of recognizing that I had I choice in everything I was feeling like it was all obligatory…….."that I have to do this or I have to do that."
For sure, there are somethings that have to be done. For instance, death must occur…..eventually. Oh, and breathing…..breathing has to occur as well.
Everything else is a choice, and of course there are consequences, but that is with everything.
The point is that once I realized that I choose to do "this" because I will feel better about myself, or choose to do this now, so I can do what I want to do later, it all made sense and I felt pleasantly better.
Then I prayed, as I have been praying everyday since, God give me the strength to face this day and shift my perception just enough for me to see this situation for what it really is. Even more, don't let this mirage or distraction that inevitably shows up in a toxic person, or a less than pleasant circumstance deter me from my goals, particularly the goal at hand. Amen.
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