Maintain Daily Sobriety With A Daily Tenth Step

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Wednesday, 23 January 2013. Posted in Ten Step

January 23, 2013

Yesterday, I was having dinner with a very well-known person, who happens to be a great friend of mine and even an alcoholic. No, I am not name-dropping, (1) because I will not mention the name, and (2) because it is not necessary.

I simply mention well-known because it will contribute to the point I will soon make, and sort of allude you to my part.

With that said, my friend and I were enjoying an amazing meal and conversing, catching up as he has been away traveling, and I do not like talking on the phone/texting. We have been friends for several years now and are particularly close.

In many ways I have idolized him and the success, not to mention notoriety that he has accumulated, so much so that for a moment I lost sight of the fact that he is no different than you and I, a mortal human-being who makes mistakes and can be just as flawed as the next person.

He confided in me with regard to something that he was less than proud of and I listened, like a good friend, or so I thought.

However, I immediately placed myself in his shoes and could not comprehend how he could have made the decision he made or took the action he took. I was monumentally self-righteous, judgmental, and intolerant, although I never said a word. Just the same, with my silence, he felt all my contempt. He explained to me how much it hurt.

My part was that, due to his success, notoriety, and cache, for whatever it is worth, I held him to an unrealistic standard, expecting him to be perfect. No one is perfect.

My duty, as a good friend and good alcoholic, was to be impartial, set aside my own personal feelings, and listen.

Everything is not about me and what I would do or not do. At the end of the day, what I would do or not do has nothing to do with the other person's actions or decisions.

Because he is truly my friend, and I love him, we resolved the situation, as I took a moment to ask God for help…….help to lay aside my self-absorbtion and tendency to idolize, and instead to be a person among persons, and a friend who loves and accepts, unconditionally.


Weigh in on this tenth step and lets us know what you think.

Also, if you like to see a particular scenario discussed, let us know.

Let's take 100% responsibility for our emotions.


If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text us. We would like to help you.

About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and Recoverynowtv.com, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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