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Taking 100% Accountability For Your Emotions

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Tuesday, 08 January 2013. Posted in Voices in Recovery, Breaking News

Responsibility In Sobriety

Whether you are an alcoholic or addict or not, I am quite certain you have heard someone say, "He makes me feel this way", or "She caused me to drink……..I did drugs because this happened", or even better, "You made me yell at you, or hit you." Abusive people often use that last line!

Addicts and alcoholics in particular, have routinely given other people, not to mention circumstances, too much of their power. I am here to tell you that it can end today. How?

Well, it begins with becoming aware of how you feel at any given moment. Become vigilant, moment to moment, about feeling good, and not feeling bad.

With that said, if you notice that a parent, sibling, friend or even significant other is in your presence when you begin to feel irritated, frustrated, angry or sad, and that person is actively participating in the emotion that you feel, acknowledge that, take note of it.

If you happen to notice that it is persistent and perpetual, you have got to take action to reacquire your power back, whether or not that means talking to the person and saying "I am feeling this way….", or more drastically, perhaps you have to walk out of that persons life for your own sake.

This is where I must emphasize that you have to be selfish for yourself.

Life is not meant to be lived in pain, frustration, anger, sadness, or irritation. In fact, people drink alcohol, and consume drugs, not to mention prescription pills, in order to avoid such feelings.

We were meant to live happily, with prosperity and abundance. Worry, anxiety and pain are not necessary and they, among others, have no purpose.

Therefore, take an inventory of everything and everyone in your life, and in the least, avoid anything and anyone that makes you feel less than happy, fulfilled, purposeful, and proud of yourself.

People who talk about the past, or glorify the life that you no longer want to live………avoid them! People who lament their troubles and blame everyone, not to mention people who have wronged but can not put their martyrdom to rest, avoid them!

If after watching the evening news you feel sad and distressed, stop watching it, at least for a month; observe how much better you feel.

If you feel anxiety and frustrated every time you go back home for Christmas to see your family, don't leave go back to friends and vent, and then go back the next year. Just stop going to visit them for Christmas!

Maybe you just need to learn to establish boundaries and then you can return someday once you have thicker skin. Yet, right now you feel sad, and angry and abused around them. You feel that way for a reason. Go toward the love, not the pain. Perhaps in your absence, they will get the hint and change. Otherwise, find what you need elsewhere.

Maybe you have even to let go of the idea that they will ever change.

Likewise, if you no longer feel that certain friendships or intimate relationships are useful or worthwhile uses of your time, perhaps it is time to move on. It does not make you a bad person. You are an ever-changing, evolving person, who will without a doubt recognize that certain relationships no longer have the same depth because the other party has not grown in the same direction…..that is ok too!!

The point is to not feel the need to placate, appease or feel sorry for anyone at your expense. In the end, you will be the one feeling resentful, frustrated and easily annoyed.

Perhaps you love the way cashew nuts taste; once you eat just one, you can not stop. They taste decadent, but they make you look like a whale.

Suddenly, you are beating up on yourself and feeling self-critical. It is simply cause and effect…..eating cashew nuts results in weight gain and you feel insecure because you are overweight.

Simple enough, momentary pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain. Therefore, cut out the cashew nuts and eat tofu, or rice cakes and hit the gym or walk, or whatever. Don't keep eating what is not good for you, while you complain. That makes no sense!

It is simple, avoid food, people, places and other things that make you feel less than your best. Make paying attention to how you feel at any given time your full-time job and you will never regret it.

Take 100% responsibility for how you feel, for happiness makes all things possible.

If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text us. We can help you.

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About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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