Sponsorship Is Absolutely Essential

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Wednesday, 17 October 2012. Posted in Voices in Recovery, Breaking News

Sponsorship In Sobriety

If you are anything like most alcoholics, you often cannot trust your own decisions due to faulty motives, self-interest, unwarranted fear and even resentment, just to name a few.

In the program, a sponsor is suggested. Earlier in sobriety I did not really agree with it. Put another way, I did not really understand the purpose of it.

I thought, why go to a person that I am not sure that I can trust and tell all my secrets to, or ask for suggestions and advice, and God forbid, run to and complain!

Nevertheless, because I wanted what you people had, mostly peace of mind, I reluctantly tried it. And to my satisfaction, initially it did not work.

Yes, you read that correctly. To be honest, the first four sponsors that I selected did not work for me. It was no fault of their own they just did not work for me. They were not a good fit for me, for various reasons.

I am sure everyone thinks the same about themselves, but I am a complicated person. It is a task in and of itself just to stay ahead of myself.

With that said, I need a brilliant, funny, kind, successful, sponsor who has everything that I want, to keep me on track and prevent me from self-destructing.

What I learned is that if it is not set up exactly that way, no matter how hard I try, it will not work.

Just when I decided to give up on that aspect of the program and was comfortable using “God as my sponsor”, I heard him speak at a meeting, and knew that he was the sponsor I had been looking for all of my sobriety!

In fact, he is smarter than me, and he keeps me on my toes, and to be honest, that is rare.

I am not saying that I am the smartest man on earth, but it is rare that I meet a man that I feel can teach me something. If you recognized that comment, you understand precisely why a person like me cannot listen to himself, solely.

I need another human-being to give me direction.

In any regard, since I have been working with him, he has provided me with invaluable direction that has made my life less complicated and more enjoyable, not to mention productive.

To be honest, many of the things that he tells me to do are simple, it is not rocket science. Often, I thought of them.

The point is that I never actually followed through with the action on my own. With my sponsor, because I respect him, and look up to him, not to mention want what he has, I listen to him like he is speaking the gospel. Actually, it might as well be the gospel because that is how I perceive it.

I actually implement his suggestions in my life, and effortlessly my life gets better.

It is interesting too, that other people told me similar things, but for various reasons, I did not listen. Perhaps I did not respect that person or maybe that person did not practice what they preach; whatever the reason, I did not listen to them, and that is the fine distinction between my success and failure.

I have learned that I have to surround myself with people that I respect, adore, and want to be like. I do not know about you, but that is what has always worked for me, even when I did not know that it was working that way.

I suppose that I have the clarity of sobriety to thank for that.

It is funny how, when you don’t abuse alcohol and other substances, you can nearly instantly recognize what works and does not work. It is like magic!

I have recognized concrete changes in my life since my sponsor started working with me. The man is Brilliant. I need brilliant. And, I am not an elitist. The fact of the matter is I just respond to and listen to people like that.

I look at the fact that he was able to take the right action to get what he wanted and keep it, so if I listen to him I will be able to do the same.

For all the readers out there, I highly recommend obtaining a sponsor and not just any sponsor, although a temporary sponsor can be helpful.

First, decide who you want to be in this world, now that you longer drink alcohol and use drugs. What does that look like? What type of life do you want? Do you want a significant other, if you don’t already have one? Do you want to be successful, and so on?

Then pray and meditate that all your desires are in line with what the higher power of your own understanding wants for you.

Last, look for that sponsor! It may take time. And, make sure that he or she has everything that you want. Do not settle for less. You will know him or her when you see him or her.


If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text now. We can help you.

Photo Courtesy of: bps-occupational-digest

About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and Recoverynowtv.com, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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