In the past, whenever I was the target of sarcasm, a hurtful comment, passive-aggressiveness, a rude e-mail, and so forth, my immediate instinct was to react, in kind, based on the anger and frustration I was consumed by.
In retrospect, I now realize that the first prescription pill I consumed was the result of a hurt feeling, frustration, or even angst.
Eventually I started taking prescription pills to deal with anything that came up, or anything that I wanted to avoid, shall I say.
In fact, I remember a time when I consumed no less than 15 Xanax1 tablets a day……if I even anticipated a difficult phone-call I took one.
Rather than address my feelings and feel them, like many alcoholics and addicts, I went to a physician (a psychiatrist) and told him that these feelings (symptoms) were affecting me.
In turn, in an effort to improve my quality of life and mitigate the stress, not to mention psychic pain, he prescribed me pills…..first Xanax2, then Ativan3, Klonopin4, Metoprolol5, and eventually sleeping aids, like Ambien6, and so forth.
Before I knew it, each time I would develop another symptom, the dose would either increase, or I would switch to something different.
Case in point, once I found it too difficult to concentrate or focus he prescribed me Adderall7 or Ritalin8. To make a long story short, that is when the real descent began.
Today, I deal with my feelings differently.
I call a doctor. Instead, I sit with my feelings without reacting. Often I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with a feeling I am having a hard time with. There is nothing like one Alcoholic or Addict talking to another.
Other times, I write about the feeling by way of the fourth step of Alcoholics Anonymous9, just as instructed in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous10. Other times, and more often these days, I pray to God.
If all else fails I SHAKE IT OFF, as I know Heavenly Father, God or Higher Power, as we say in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, will deal with “it”, or “him/or her!” That I know for sure!!
I am a big guy now, and reacting is no longer an option, nor is engaging with “that” person. My sobriety and happiness are far too important.
Besides, as a child of God and member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I choose to act as such, in a civilized fashion.
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