Ever since I could remember, I had been a sensitive person. I was sensitive to sound, especially noise, touch, taste, and especially sensitive to the behavior and remarks of others. It’s no wonder I eventually became an alcoholic.
To be honest, I think I was born an alcoholic.
As you can imagine, being the type of person I described above made life quite difficult at times. But, I always felt up to the challenge.
My motto was always…..”What else do you have for me, I can handle it?!”
Without my realizing it, I thrived in the chaos, overcame my dysfunctional background, and eventually out-maneuvered the distorted and warped perceptions that were shoved deep into my psyche.
I was a natural born leader, a beautiful, brilliant, shy and gentle child, equally capable of socializing and reveling in solitude.
I am the oldest of three daughters. When I was born, my Jewish mother was not prepared to be a mother. She was often cold and distant, narcissistic, selfish, passive aggressive and abusive. Although she rarely expressed love to me, she often told me how smart I was.
Dad died when I was really young. Not too young though, for me to forget how abusive he was to me when he was alive.
Although, my step-father was far more abusive, physically and emotionally; he was a modern day barbarian.
I was hurt so much as a child, all I could do to feel better was hold it all in, smile, people please, do more, succeed more, perform well, scholastically and academically. Eventually, I graduated from medical school.
Despite all my accomplishments, I still had thoughts of sadness and anxiety permeated every pore of my body. Each day I attempted to focus and prioritize, exerting so much energy just to resist the pervasive recurring thoughts and flashbacks of my painful and abusive childhood and adolescence.
Eventually it all became too much. And despite knowing that many members of my family struggled with alcoholism, I eventually began to self-medicate. One evening I bought a bottle of wine, and the rest as they say, is history.
Before I knew it, I had spiraled into a dark abyss of addiction.
When I realized I had no more solution in the bottle, I sought help through Spencer Recovery Centers, in Florida.
Spencer Recovery Centers taught helped me “to put alcoholism in the corner, and let it starve to death” as I learned to love myself again. Today, I am a little more than six years sober.
If it were up to me, I would still be nursing my resentments. But, something happened. It may sound cliché, but a little voice in me said stop, and for some reason, I did. As I said, that was more than six years ago.
In the meantime I learned to live life on life’s terms. I face each day with gratitude, joy-filled anticipation and strong recovery.
If you or someone that you know is struggling with alcoholism or drug addiction, please call now. We can help.
Photo Courtesy of: listentogrammie
- Item Tag: alcohol