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I’m Going Through Changes

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Tuesday, 18 December 2012. Posted in Voices in Recovery, Breaking News

Changes In Recovery

Not only do those words sum up what I have been experiencing over the last year, they happen to be the title of one of my favorite songs.

“I’m Going Through Changes” was written by Eminem, and is a song on his aptly titled “Recovery” album, released more than two years ago. What an amazing album, to say the least!

Not only was Eminem’s “Recovery” the highest selling album of 2010, it won a Grammy award for Best Rap Album of the year. Although an isolated case, I never realized I liked rap until I heard this album.

If you are an addict or alcoholic and you have not heard it, check it out. It is an entire album about recovery!

Similar to “Em”, I am going through changes of my own, a transformation even! Finally, I understand the “peeling the onion back” metaphor, as I am experiencing the process in my own life.

Not only am I reflecting the person I once was before my prescription pill addiction permeated my entire life, I truly believe that I am better than I ever have ever been largely due to the tenacity, faith, and fortitude that I have had no choice but to develop to re-emerge from the abyss of active addiction.

With that said, I realize that I will never be that same boy again! Although that boy was so familiar, for the first time in a long time I don’t want to be him again, as I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the value in what I have experienced through facing addiction and overcoming it.

Previously, I lamented what I once thought was the loss of my innocence and the shedding of my squeaky-clean image, in return for the unwanted status of addict, not to mention the uncertainty that comes with it!

In retrospect, what I really lost was ignorance, and in return, for few dollars that I put into the basket at any particular meeting, I have gained greater perspective, humility, greater independence, a sense of belonging, and ironically, self-love!

I would not trade the practical real life lessons I have learned for anything. They have been earned with my blood, sweat and tears.

Yes, working the twelve steps, pausing, not reacting, and thinking before acting are all challenges for me, but I am worth the investment!

Besides, it feels so good to suddenly recognize a person in the mirror that I Really LOVE.

I don’t respond the same way to stress and frustration anymore, nor do I attract the same type of broken people I was once so drawn to, and I have a sense of equanimity that is directly proportionate to the daily step work that I do.

Ironically, it is true……as I put my program first, my life is unfolding in ways I never could have imagined.

For the first time in my life, I am welcoming the changes that I am going through, and although positive changes require a lot of effort, all the effort is worth it!

If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text us. We want to help you.

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About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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