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Developing and Maintaining Friendship in Sobriety

Written by DeShawn McQueen on Monday, 10 December 2012. Posted in Voices in Recovery, Breaking News

Addiction Sobriety

I recently had a dinner with a person, a fellow alcoholic, who has had a significant impact on my life during the time that I have known him.

During our respective sobrieties, the relationship has grown and developed into what it is today, a friendship that has truly enriched my life.

If our friendship is anything like the past two years that we have known one another I suspect that our friendship will continue to grow and deepen with depth.

During the past two years our relationship has sustained itself through weathered periods of tension, disagreements, extremely busy schedules, and any number of concerns that plague a relationship.

We met in a room of Alcoholics Anonymous and when all is said and done, we have always had Alcoholics Anonymous when it seemed as if we had nothing in common.

To be honest, that is the beauty of Alcoholics Anonymous……people who may not otherwise meet develop long, enduring relationships.

That is my message to you. If you are willing to put the alcohol or the drug down, and just show up to a room of Alcoholics Anonymous you will find people that you have been looking for your entire life.

Beneath the exteriors of others you are sure to find fellows in the same situation as you, and more likely than not you are sure to find friendship.

As mentioned, in my fellow alcoholic, I found a friend. My friend, in many ways is a reflection of who I am. Despite the fact that he is a few decades older, he reminds me of who I want to be. I look up to him and I respect him.

There is a maxim in Alcoholics Anonymous, “….find your tribe and get in the middle.”

Finally, nearly four years into sobriety, I am finding my tribe… friends……people that I love, unconditionally. No matter what happens I want the best for these people.

From Alcoholics Anonymous friendships, I have learned to not be self-righteous or judgmental and to accept people as they are…..this has made all the difference in other areas of my life.

As the holidays are upon us, I find myself among people who want me at their dinner table or among others at their parties. Inevitably I will not attend all the parties, but I am sure to attend a few of the parties. This is huge for me, as I never attend parties for fear that people would get to know me. People getting to know me was my biggest fear, as I was afraid they would not find me beautiful if they saw me up close.

Today, I actually marvel at how far I have come. I have changed so much in sobriety, largely because of the positive relationships that I have made an effort to foster and maintain in sobriety.

If you or someone that you love is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, please call or text us. We want to help you.

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About the Author

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen

DeShawn McQueen is a staff writer at Recovery Now Newspaper and, an informative newspaper that serves as a resource for persons of all stages of drug and alcohol treatment, by giving them access to relevant and necessary information so that they may live balanced and substance-free lifestyles. DeShawn graduated from Wayne State University with Bachelor of Science degrees in psychology and premedical sciences. He holds a Juris Doctors degree in law from Valparaiso University School of Law. DeShawn’s writing and research has been published in such academic journals as Behavioral Pharmacology and Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior among others. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

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